Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (Dir: R Winer & B Mahon, 1972). 

If you are looking for alternative Christmas viewing it doesn’t get much more alternative than this, frankly weird, no-budget effort from indie production company R & S Films, Inc. 

Santa (Jay Clark) touches down in sunny Florida and gets his sleigh stuck in the sand. Using his powers of telepathy(!), Ol’ Saint Nick summons the help of some local kids including, for reasons unexplained, Mark Twain’s literary Tom and Huck. The kids employe an assortment of animals, gorilla included, to shift the sleigh to no avail, until the appearance of the titular rabbit who, despite co-star billing, doesn’t appear until the final moments of the movie. When he does finally make an entrance he is inexplicably driving a fire truck, not an ice cream van as you might expect. Really this Santa and Bunny business is just a framing device as Santa settles down to tell the kids the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, which takes up the bulk of the movie’s runtime. 

Portions of a movie’s musical score being played on kazoo is generally a good indicator that it was made on a low budget. Actually there are many indicators that Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny was made on a low budget: amateurish performances and camerawork, shoddy sets and witless songs are just a few. 

With a disjointed and often nonsensical narrative the movie has a hazy, dreamlike quality that may leave you wondering if you actually watched it or imagined it. Yet, for all that, it does have a certain slapdash charm. 

I seriously doubt if Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny ever appealed to kids, even back in ‘72. It is difficult to see it appealing to young’uns today, unless they have a particular penchant for kitsch movies. 

In the public domain and easy to access via streaming, by all means give it a watch, as there is little else like it around. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it as much as endured it. But it was weirdly watchable and cheaper than drugs. 

Christmas Carol The Movie (2001)

Christmas Carol The Movie (Dir: Jimmy T Murakami, 2001). 

A UK production from Jimmy T Murakami, the talented supervising director of The Snowman (Dianne Jackson, 1982) and director of When the Wind Blows (J T Murakami, 1986); an all star cast and a story seemingly ideally suited to feature length animation treatment. What could possibly go wrong? Plenty. 

The clunky title Christmas Carol The Movie should be some indication that the feature film to follow is not the Christmas Carol with which you are familiar. In fact this take on Charles Dickens’ literary classic is so wildly irreverent it makes you wonder why the filmmakers bothered making a movie based on such a reverential text. The basics are here as miserly Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by various spirits on his road to Christmas redemption. Yet changes to the tale, such as a reconciliation with lost love Belle, are certainly not an improvement, while the decision to show the story through the eyes of a pair of friendly rodents is frankly weird. 

I would be slightly more forgiving of Christmas Carol The Movie if the accompanying animation was anything other than flat and lifeless, lacking style and of Saturday morning cartoon quality. Yet, while the film can only be regarded as a disappointment, it is not entirely without merit. The Ghost of Christmas Present sequence, in which the oversized spectre distributes Christmas spirit via cornucopia, is rather lovely and adopts a unique visual style far more appealing than the rest of the movie. 

Then there is the stellar cast. In live action bookends Simon Callow impresses as Charles Dickens, narrating the action and giving a marvellous vocal performance as Scrooge. Kate Winslet contributes a particularly tender reading as Belle and makes a lovely job of singing end title song ‘What If’. A surprising satisfying casting choice is Nicholas Cage as an understated Marley’s Ghost. 

Yet none of the considerable talent manages to save a movie whose real problems stem from the unnecessary changes it makes to the source material. 

Suitable for younger viewers, but not an ideal introduction to Dickens, this is a sadly missed opportunity to create a definitive animated Scrooge; it is difficult to recommend  Christmas Carol The Movie when there are so many superior versions of the story out there. Check out Murakami and Dianne Jackson’s  masterful adaptation of Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman for some genuine Christmas cheer. 

A Christmas Carol (1999)

A Christmas Carol (Dir: David Jones, 1999). 

So numerous are the adaptations of Charles Dickens’ evergreen A Christmas Carol that it is difficult for any new retelling to bring anything original to the tale. This Hallmark produced made for TV movie features decent production values, some neat visual effects and a somewhat more sombre tone than expected but doesn’t really stand out from the Christmas Carol crowd. 

It does feature a commendable performance from Patrick Stewart in the lead. Stewart had previously played Ebenezer on Broadway and on London’s West End. He isn’t the most imposing of screen Scrooges, but he does bring a subtleness to the role which is often lacking in other interpretations. 

While the star cast assembled here is pretty impressive, not everyone is especially suited to their roles. Richard E Grant, for example, is not ideally cast as the downtrodden Bob Cratchit, while Dominic West makes for an unusually rugged Nephew Fred. Better served is legendary Joel Grey as an eerie Ghost of Christmas Past. Adding a real touch of class are the excellent Liz Smith and Elizabeth Spriggs; both superb in their small yet significant roles as, respectively, Mrs Dilber and Mrs Riggs.

While not top of my Christmas watch list, this A Christmas Carol is by no means a bad movie, just one with a subject that has been better told elsewhere. However, the atmosphere is refreshingly downbeat, never losing sight of the important message its story conveys. This may put off younger family members but is a welcome tonic to the sticky sentiment present in most Hallmark outings. 

Ultimately, the movie gets more right than wrong and while by no means essential, it is worth a look for the talented cast, especially so for fans of Stewart and Grey.

A Christmas Carol (1984)

A Christmas Carol (Dir: Clive Donner, 1984).

Be they traditional retellings or radical reworkings, new adaptations of Charles Dickens’ ever popular 1843 novella are as common as a cock’er’ny street urchin. Less numerous, but still pretty plentiful, were they back in December 1984 when this prestigious US/UK coproduction premiered on CBS prime time, while simultaneously released to cinemas internationally. 

George C Scott here stars as the original grinch, who is persuaded to change his ways after overindulging in Christmas spirits. 

With its story familiar to virtually every living soul, it can be difficult for any new telling to distinguish itself from the all the others. Let’s be honest, no other version can top the masterpiece Scrooge (Brian Desmond Hurst, 1951) with its magnificent central performance from Alastair Sim as, arguably, the definitive Ebenezer. Yet George C Scott makes the character his own, at least for the duration of the movie. 

An interpretation of Scrooge that is somewhat softened; Scott’s portrayal is more disillusioned businessman than the gleeful miser of other adaptations. While this does mean Scott is not one of the screens more powerful Scrooges, it does add a little more shade to a character who can easily become one dimensional in the hands of a lesser actor. 

In a supporting cast peppered with faces familiar from 80s television, the standout, for me, is Edward Woodward. Soon to be seen in popular TV drama The Equaliser (1985- 89), Woodward is cast against type as the Ghost of Christmas Present. With the requisite mix of jollity and foreboding, his success in the part makes you wish he had stepped out of his action comfort zone a little more often. 

A nice moody atmosphere permeates A Christmas Carol. Its impressive production values offer few indications of the movie’s made for TV origins. While it may not rank among the very best versions of the story, it is still a decent movie, well worth including in any annual Scrooge-athon. 

A Christmas Carol (1938)

A Christmas Carol (Dir: Edwin L Marin, 1938).

Produced by MGM at the height of Hollywood’s golden age, A Christmas Carol is a lively, albeit scrubbed up, adaptation of Charles Dickens ever popular 1843 novella. The familiar story is more or less faithful to Dickens' text, as miserly old Ebenezer Scrooge accepts a ghostly hand in relocating his Christmas spirit, much to the relief of his put-upon employee Bob Cratchit, as well as the half of London who are indebted to him.  

Encouraged by the success of David Copperfield (George Cukor, 1935) MGM embarked on this Dickens adaptation, originally intended as a vehicle for character star Lionel Barrymore. Due to sickness, Barrymore had to pull out and was replaced by Reginald Owen, a lesser known but accomplished performer, now best remembered for his role as Admiral Boom in Mary Poppins (Robert Stevenson, 1964). It does seem a bit of a missed opportunity for Barrymore, who would have made an excellent Scrooge. He would later play Christmas curmudgeon Potter in his most famous movie It’s a Wonderful Life (Frank Capra, 1946), giving a glimpse of what he may have brought to the role. But don't be too disappointed, as Owen makes for a wonderfully charismatic Scrooge, in what is arguably one of the standout readings of the character. 

An impressive supporting cast were assembled to bring the characters off of the page and into the movie theatre. Notably the great character actor Leo G Carroll as an eerie Marley's Ghost and an appealingly goofy turn from Barry Mackay as Nephew Fred. Gene Lockhart looks a little too well fed but brings an immense likability to his role as Bob Cratchit while Terry Kilburn is a suitably winsome Tiny Tim. A standout for all the wrong reasons is John O'Day as elder Cratchit son Peter whose broad American accent is jarring to say the least! 

The default movie version of the tale until surpassed by British production Scrooge (Brian Desmond Hurst, 1951), this particular Christmas Carol omits all the darker aspects of the story in favour of family friendly festive frivolity. Boasting lavish production values, the characters here seem to have experienced little of the poverty described in the original text in an altogether rather jolly affair which is decidedly more Hollywood than Dickens. While it may seem odd to scrub the story of its more sombre moments, it is worth remembering the state of events when the movie was released; with the US only just beginning to pull itself out of The Great Depression and the prospect of World War II imminent, audiences were looking to the movies for escapism, and A Christmas Carol offers this abundance.

A slightly antiseptic take on the story it may be, but it is warmhearted, festive and highly entertaining. If you watch one Christmas Carol this year, make it the masterful 1951 adaptation Scrooge, with Alastair Sim's definitive take on the character. But if, like me, you head into four or five plus territory, then this good-natured version is well worth seeking out. 

All the Money in the World (2017)

All the Money in the World (Dir: Ridley Scott, 2017). 

Based on events which shocked the world back in 1973, All the Money in the World relates the story of Pablo Getty (Charlie Plummer), 16 year old grandson of billionaire oil baron J Paul Getty (Christopher Plummer) who was kidnapped and ransomed for $17,000,000. Pablo’s mother and estranged daughter-in-law of Getty, Gail (Michelle Williams) cannot pay the fee and appeals to Getty Snr. Though a pittance to a man of his standing, Getty refuses to put up the money; instead hiring ex-Fed Fletcher Chance (Mark Wahlberg) to investigate the abduction. 

Best known for big budget sci fi and widescreen epics such as Blade Runner (R Scott, 1982) and Gladiator (R Scott, 2000), Ridley Scott may seem an odd choice to direct the true story of a kidnapping. But Scott proves his versatility in an impressively mounted, sometimes morbidly gripping thriller. Eliciting strong performances from a talented cast, particularly that of Christopher Plummer as Getty Snr. 

As was widely reported at the time, disgraced star Kevin Spacey was originally cast in the role of J Paul Getty. Dropped from the movie less than a month before its scheduled premiere, the part was recast with Plummer and all scenes involving the character were hastily reshot. A performer who I feel improves with age, Plummer is excellent in the role. As the hardened business man he exhibits a callous coolness while remaining sympathetic in his portrayal. He was deservedly lauded for the performance and, in all honesty, it is hard to imagine Spacey would have been any better. It is credit to Plummer, Scott and all involved that the newer scenes integrate seamlessly with the old. Indeed, if you didn’t know you would never notice. The rest of the cast also prove highly capable in their roles; Whalberg gives one of his most charismatic performances as Chance, while Michelle Williams gives a sensitive portrayal of a distraught and exasperated mother.  Also noteworthy are Charlie Plummer as the captive and Romain Duris as a sympathetic gaoler, in movie replete with powerful performances. 

All the Money in the World tells a grim story but a worthy and engrossing one. Unflinching in depiction of the tortures Pablo endured, it is not always an easy watch but it is a very rewarding one. 

The Giant Behemoth aka Behemoth the Sea Monster (1959)

The Giant Behemoth aka Behemoth the Sea Monster (Dir: Eugène Lourié, 1959)

Taking inspiration from The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (Eugène Lourié, 1953) and Godzilla (Ishiro Honda, 1954), The Giant Behemoth (released in edited form in the UK as Behemoth the Sea Monster) is 1950s monster movie mayhem on a minuscule budget.  

In a classic 'when atomic testing turns bad' scenario, a pre-historic Palaeosaurus comes ashore on the Cornish coast, threatening the lives of marine life and crusty old fishermen. Not content with terrorising townsfolk in the West Country, the rampaging radioactive reptile heads to London. What is a bored behemoth to do in the big city but riot? If only the meddling military don't stand in his way... 

It would be easy to dismiss this, admittedly schlocky, sci-fi as just another second feature monster flick with second rate special effects, but to do so would be doing The Giant Behemoth something of a disservice.

Granted, its plot is a bit of a potboiler, already over familiar by the late 1950s. Regardless of which, a great deal of pseudo science is employed to explain the onscreen events, resulting in a rather talky first half. Surprisingly, it doesn’t have too much of a detrimental effect on the pacing. Padding it may be, the 'science part' doesn't detract too much from the tension building and the movie is actually rather well paced, in spite of obvious exposition; although I am sure most audience members are just eager to see the monster create chaos in the capital.

Already a noted art director, Eugène Lourié  made his directorial debut with the influential sci-fi classic The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, often regarded as the movie which started the monster fad of the 50s. The Giant Behemoth sees him in similar creature feature territory. While the former was a low budget affair, its superior stop motion animation by effects genius Ray Harryhausen would lend the film a polish that belies its budgetary restraints.  ...Behemoth, too, utilises stop motion animation, but with less satisfying results. Harryhausen's mentor Willis O’Brien was the uncredited special effects designer and creator, although his work here is a considerable step down from his contribution to the staggering effects in King Kong (Merian C Cooper & Ernest B Schoedsack). In actuality the stop motion animation is decent here, especially when seen in wider shots. However, this is greatly undermined by some wretched close-ups of a clearly static puppet. We see the same cars trashed and the same extras attacked time and again, diminishing the otherwise sterling model work. 

For what it's worth Lourié makes the best of the meagre ingredients and delivers a well paced, enjoyable B picture. He would direct four features in total, all in a similar pulp sci-fi vein. While each movie has its merits, all but The Beast... are hampered by tiny budgets. The Giant Behemoth is no monster masterpiece but it is a worthy edition to the creature feature genre. Rough and ready, certainly,  but with an undeniable cut price charm.  

Scrooge (1935)

Scrooge (Dir: Henry Edwards, 1935).

This early British 'talkie' stars Sir Seymour Hicks stars as Ebenezer Scrooge, the yuletide loathing rotter who finds redemption when visiting spirits show him the error of his ways, much to the gratification of his overworked, under payed employee Bob Cratchit (Donald Calthrop). 

Distinguished as the first feature length sound version of Charles Dickens' oft filmed novella, time has not been particularly kind to this adaptation of A Christmas Carol. Granted, it is 85 years old, but considering it is merely two years older then Walt Disney's perennial Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (David Hand, 1937), and two years younger than the innovative King Kong (Merian C Cooper & Ernest B Schoedsack, 1933), this movie seems like a product of a completely different age. 

Print deterioration undoubtedly accentuates the antiquated feel. Long in the public domain and evidently edited over the years, the version I viewed also appears to be missing a reel; the expected sequence in which the Ghost of Christmas Past escorts Scrooge back in time to his youth is completely absent. Rather the scene begins, abruptly, with the breakdown of Scrooge's engagement to Belle and is over with in minutes.  Good luck finding a more complete copy, as my attempts to find one have proved futile. 

Having played Scrooge both on stage and in the silent film Old Scrooge (Leedham Bantock, 1913), Seymour Hicks is suitably curmudgeonly as the old miser. Other performers fare less well in a movie which, perhaps due to missing footage, seems a little light on character development. Scenes showing the disparate differences between rich and poor, while commendable, feel a little like filler in such a short movie. The undoubted highlight are the scenes featuring the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The shadowy sequence displays influences of German Expressionist film and features some genuinely inventive visuals. 

Over familiarity is always an issue when watching any movie adaptation of such a well known story, but all considered, this Scrooge is an entertaining and worthy addition to ever increasing Christmas Carol canon. The movie was eventually overshadowed by MGM's more lavish A Christmas Carol (Edwin L Marin, 1938); a movie which was itself surpassed by the British production Scrooge (Brian Desmond Hurst, 1951).With an excellent central performance form Alastair Sim, that particular adaptation is rightly considered the definitive version by many. 

Its copyright status means Scrooge is easy to source on many streaming platforms, in original black and white as well as dodgy digital colour. It will probably be of interest most to Christmas Carol completists, but is recommended viewing to anyone seeking alternative festive entertainment.  

Devil Girl from Mars (1954)

Devil Girl from Mars (Dir: David McDonald, 1954). 

With Martian men on the verge of extinction, Nyah (Patricia Laffan), a PVC clad dominatrix who bears a passing resemblance to a young Agnes Moorehead, is dispatched to London to collect male specimens for the purpose of repopulating the planet. Think Mars Needs Women (Larry Buchanan, 1968) with a gender reversal and you have the idea. Accompanied by a robot seemingly made from odds and ends found in a garden shed, the would-be seductress with the voice of a British Rail announcer goes off course and crash lands in the Scottish Highlands. Here she invades the remote Bonnie Charlie Inn; the residents of which are a motley bunch including an escaped murder and his girl, an aspiring model, a scientist, an investigative journalist and a sturdy Scots landlady. The men of the Inn aren't up to spec so Nyah must repair her craft and continue on her mission. But those pesky Earthlings have other ideas and are intent on stopping her. You can bet they are sorry when she unleashes a powerful raygun and her giant flowerpot 'bot on them! 

Not as kinky as it sounds, Devil Girl from Mars is a family friendly second feature. If your family likes obscure sci fi with wobbly visual effects that is. With stock characters and predictable plotting, the screenplay is just as bad as the 'special' effects. Some choice dialogue includes a nonchalant: "Mrs Jamieson, may I introduce you to your latest guest, Miss Nyah. She comes from Mars". Possibly my favourite line is the exclaimation of one character, mid-invasion: “Nothing like this has happened to me before!” In fairness, the cast make the best of the woeful script. Hugh McDermott and John Laurie are the most recognisable faces in a cast awash with actors you have seen before but cannot quite remember where. 

Director David McDonald spent the previous two decades in low budget second features. So prolific was his career in the quickies that he could have directed Devil Girl from Mars in his sleep. On the evidence of the finished film he may well have. 

Let’s be brutally honest: Devil Girl from Mars is a load of old tripe. Yet it is oddly compelling, entertaining old tripe. Campy and cringy in equal measure while at the same time oddly twee, it is sci fi schlock of the highest - or should that be lowest? - order. If low budget, lowbrow Brit B movies are your thing you could do worse than check it out. 

The Dark Past (1948)

The Dark Past (Dir: Rudolph Maté, 1948). 

Based upon a play by James Warwick, The Dark Past was filmed previously by Columbia Pictures as Blind Alley (Charles Vidor, 1939). A decade later the same studio resurrected the story for this prime slice of second feature film noir. 

The Dark Past is one of a number of films of its era to deal with the psychology of the criminal mind, the most notable of which was Spellbound (Alfred Hitchcock, 1945). It was shot in the then groundbreaking pseudo documentary style utilised in such movies as Boomerang! (Elia Kazan, 1947) and The Naked City (Jules Dassin, 1948). 

The directorial debut of the talented Rudolph Maté and featuring a now legendary cast, The Dark Past was considered a B-picture; suggested by a short runtime and small scale approach which employs few outdoor shots and feels a little stagy. It does however, feature two powerhouse performances from its leads William Holden and Lee J Cobb.  

Told in flashback and narrated by Cobb as criminal psychiatrist Dr Andrew Collins, Collins relates how he and his family were held hostage by escaped convict Al Walker (Holden). With the help of Walker's girl Betty (Nina Foch), the good doc attempts to uncover Walker's unconscious motivation to kill, a disorder linked to a recurring nightmare following childhood truma. 

The flashback device works somewhat against the narrative, as the audience know the Cobb character survives, thereby robbing the movie of much of its impact. The thrills here are largely generated from the superlative performances, particularly from top billed William Holden whose transformation from coldblooded killer to existential psychoneurotic proved a major dramatic breakthrough for the star. 

Having shot to fame in boxing drama Golden Boy (Rouben Mamoulian, 1939), in the following decade Holden's natural acting talent was largely unexploited. Cast in a series of amiable, if somewhat anemic, nice guy roles, The Dark Past proved to be his most significant performance since his debut. Holden clearly relished the opportunity to play against type and delivers a barnstorming performance; anticipating acclaimed performances in weightier roles such as Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder, 1950) and Stalag 17 (Billy Wilder, 1953). 

Cobb too, mostly associated with a fantastic run of on screen heavies, is here cast against type as the good guy. In a less showy role than Holden's he is entirely convincing as the stoic shrink who slowly succeeds in rooting out the cause of Walker's maladies. A sympathetic performance from Nina Foch as the killer's concerned moll completes the impressive star triumvirate. 

While much of the psycho-analysis in The Dark Past is bunk, the movie is excitingly staged by Maté and performed with such professionalism that it matters not. Small scale it may be, but this tense and compelling film noir offers terrific entertainment. Increasingly hard to find in recent years, to my knowledge the only official DVD release is of Spanish origin (titled Cerco de Odio). However, fans of the era crime dramas would do well to seek out this minor classic.

The Colossus of New York (1958)

The Colossus of New York (Dir: Eugène Lourié, 1958). 

Low budget sci fi shocker of the ‘good scientist gone bad’ variety, from Paramount Pictures. 

With story aspects and visuals borrowed liberally from the likes of Der Golem (Paul Wegener & Carl Boese, 1920) and Frankenstein (James Whale, 1931) The Colossus of New York tells of acclaimed scientist Dr Jerry Spensser (Ross Martin); cut down in his prime on the eve of collecting an International Peace Prize. After relieving the dead body of its brain, his surgeon father (Otto Kruger) and automation expert brother (John Baragrey) promptly insert the cranium into that of a 8 foot metal man and, with some incredible shortsightedness, inexplicably fit the robot with death ray laser eyes! Lamenting the lack of a soul and understandably upset at his brother's romancing of his widow (Mala Powers), Dr Jerry breaks free of the laboratory that binds him, and heads cityward, all eyes blazing! But not before a weirdly touching reunion with his fatherless young son Billy (Charles Herbert). 

The Colossus of New York is an incredibly silly movie, but it is not at all bad. Its title is misleading; there certainly is a colossus and he is definitely in New York, or at least in front of a back projection of New York. But those expecting to see a titanic tin man rampaging through Times Square will be bitterly disappointed. It takes until the final reel for the colossus to rock up in the Big Apple and then he causes little actual destruction. Still, much of the movie is moodily atmospheric and the 'bot itself would be pretty intimidating in a dark alley. 

Director Eugène Lourié does his best with what limited resources he has but, as usual, is hampered by a small budget. Also a noted art director Lourié, would direct only four movies, all of which were sci-fi/horror genre flicks. While he certain displayed a flair for the subjects, he sadly never graduated from second features and would not repeat the success of his directorial debut, creature feature classic The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (E. Lourié, 1953). 

Despite its obvious flaws (mainly due to budgetary constraints) The Colossus of New York is well worth a watch. It is no masterpiece, but is well directed and entertaining. With some unintentional giggles along the way. The moral of the tale? Automation is a wonderful thing, but don’t go putting human brains in robots.

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (Dir: Nathan Hertz, 1958). 

Proto-feminist text or trash classic? As much as some film historians claim it’s the former, I think sci-fi/horror Attack of the 50 Foot Woman is probably the later. 

The previous year Universal hit big with seminal sci-fi shocker The Incredible Shrinking Man (Jack Arnold, 1957); independent producer Bernard Woolner was quick to spot a spot a bandwagon and promptly jumped aboard, flipping that movies concept for one of a giant woman! In the process delivering a cheap and cheerful exploitation film aimed squarely at the drive-in, double feature market.  

After arguing with her two-timing husband, heiress and owner of the world's most expensive diamond Nancy Archer (Alison Hayes) has a run in with an extra-terrestrial satellite, inexplicably inhabited by a 30 foot bald-headed behemoth (Michael Ross, doubling as Tony the bartender). Radiation exposure results in Nancy growing to a whopping 50 feet in height. Meanwhile husband Harry (William Hudson) takes the opportunity to steal her diamond and ensconce with fancy-lady Honey (Yvette Vickers). Soon the police are on their tail as, more worryingly, is Nancy who wants her diamond and her man back!

Cheap and cheerful The Attack of the 50 Foot Woman may be, but it isn't without a peculiar charm. The special effects are naive, to put it politely. From see through process shots to large papier-mâché limbs, budget restrictions are glaringly obvious, yet this all adds to the fun.

 

It is helped immeasurably by a game cast who play the whole thing absolutely straight, with performances that are not at all bad considering the schlocky nature of the material. Working under the pseudonym of Nathan Hertz is talented director Nathan Juran, perhaps understandably not wanting his name on an end product hampered by a minuscule budget. Yet, within the obvious monetary restraints, he delivers a tightly plotted, well paced and highly enjoyable movie. 

Those expecting a gal Godzilla maybe disappointed. The rampaging is saved for the final moments, while the publicity image of a mini-skirted, enormous Nancy straddling the highway and picking up cars like Tonka toys is sadly not recreated in the feature. Yet there is still much to enjoy in this movie which has deservedly become a cult favourite.

It is fair to suggest that a larger budget and more convincing special effects would have made Attack of the 50 Foot Woman a slicker, more professional movie. But in all honesty I don’t think it would have made a more entertaining one. 

Rather than the adequate, serious shocker it may have been, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman is a campy cinematic treat! A drive-in classic and a lot of fun! 

The Dead Don’t Die (2019)

The Dead Don’t Die (Dir: Jim Jarmusch, 2019).

Writer/director Jim Jarmusch pays homage to George A Romero in the zombie comedy (zomedy?) The Dead Don’t Die. 

Rural small town Centerville finds itself in the midst of of zombie uprising somehow linked to the altering of the Earth's rotation due to polar fracking (?). At the centre of the action are local police chief Cliff Robertson (Bill Murray) and his partner, officer Ronnie Peterson (Adam Driver), who must attempt to hold off the meat hungry horde from consuming the community.

Although, its roots are firmly planted in Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (George A Romero, 1968) and its subsequent sequels, with or without a knowledge of the Romero oeuvre, The Dead Don’t Die is still a fun, albeit grizzly Zombie fest. All the ingredients are present to make a classic comedy horror in the vein of say, Shaun of the Dead (Edgar Wright, 2004), and this it very nearly achieves. But ultimately, while it’s nicely atmospheric with gore to spare, something it about doesn’t quite gel. If it has any flaws it is that it tries a little too hard to be quirky; as if a cult movie by design. It’s never quite as funny as it should be, while attempts to break the fourth wall and references to movie’s script seem a little laboured and too self-conscious.  

With Jim Jarmusch as director and an outstanding cast the movie was never going to be a total loss. Of the cast, Adam Driver stands out; proving with each role that there is more to him than brooding bad guy Kylo Ren. Master of deadpan Bill Murray is, well, Bill Murray being deadpan. This, however, should be enough for most viewers. Meanwhile, Tilda Swinton is a welcome addition as a samurai sword wielding undertaker,  although her character is a little underused and seems likely added to up the quirky quotient. 

The Dead Don’t Die is a good movie. I just get the feeling it could have been better. While it must be regarded as a minor entry on Jarmusch’s CV it is still a worthwhile watch. Especially for lovers of the living dead. 

The Black Scorpion (1957)

The Black Scorpion (Dir: Edward Ludwig, 1957).

Swapping atomic ants for subterranean scorpions and the Los Angeles sewers for the caverns of the Mexico desert, The Black Scorpion shamelessly hitches a ride on the coattails of monster movie masterpiece Them! (Gordon Douglas, 1954).

An undistinguished B-movie cast of little charisma cannot help but be overshadowed by the giant scorpions rampaging the southern portion of North America. The second hand plot finds the enormous arachnids chowing down on the San Lorenzo locals. Luckily some US scientists are on hand to make sure the pesky critters do not hop the border. Yup, the plot really is as lazy as my description of it.  

Surprisingly for a 1950s creature feature, the beasts of The Black Scorpion are not the result of radiation exposure. Rather, they are a species of underground primeval predators who nip up to surface for a little human snacking after some volcanic activity. This matter aside, the movie is pretty much Them! 2 (or Them! Again!). Yet while it doesn't live up to its superior predecessor, the movie isn’t a total loss. 

The giant scorpions are the work of the granddaddy of stop motion animation, Willis O’Brien. O’Brien is, of course, the special effects legend who gave life to the mighty King Kong (Merian C Cooper & Ernest B Schoedsack, 1933). This is late in his career and it is clear O’Brien is working on a budget. Yet even within the restraints of a B-Movie budget the effects are largely satisfying. The model work is good, especially when seen at a distance. Less successful are the oft-repeated close up of a scorpion's drool dripping face; more likely to raise a laugh than instil fear in the audience. Some unfortunate process shots, in which the scorpions are superimposed in silhouette over the action, are also below standard and are reportedly the result of cost-cutting. Compensation comes in the form of a spectacular showdown in a football stadium which ramps up the schlock value to great effect 

Ultimately, The Black Scorpion is little more than a Them! knock off. It isn’t a bad movie, but neither is it a particularly good movie. Neither is it so bad it’s good. The scorpion attacks are entertaining, but in its quieter moments the film is a little dull. The tension building that made Them! such a terrific thriller is absent here and without that movie’s moral take on atomic energy it is less a snapshot of 1950s fears and anxieties. While the film is of value to 50s creature feature freaks like me, it is definitely a monster movie also ran; worth a watch for Willis O’Brien’s effects work but little else.