A Note On My Mental Health

The following is not a movie review, rather it is a note on my mental health: 

I have given this some thought and decided it is time I ‘came out’ as a depressive. Just under 5 months ago I had a bit of a meltdown and spent 2 days in tears. The tears were not exactly tears of sadness, I am not an unduly unhappy person and remain an optimist. More accurately, perhaps, they were tears of extreme emotionalism. It is difficult to exactly put into words how it felt. I could liken it to feeling as if you would never again feel the sun on your face, never again hear birdsong and never smell the sweet scent of summer lawns. I felt alien and isolated, despite being surrounded by the most caring and supportive family I could wish for. It felt as if the colour had completely drained out of my world. It felt empty, cold and monochromatic. 

I was lucky to receive support from the NHS and Inclusion Thurrock. I am also aware that many suffer far worse than I have. I was never suicidal, thankfully, but acknowledge that I may have been were it not for the support; it is a road anyone of us might travel. 

It is quite difficult going public with this. I know the stigma of mental illness and of the many misconceptions surrounding it. Depression isn’t just ‘sadness’, you cannot ‘pull yourself together’. It may be different for others, but for me it was a seemingly eternal descent into a deep despair that I did not think I could ever climb out of. Mental illness is real, but with help and support there is a road back. I don’t expect to never feel depressed or anxious ever again. However, I am gratefully aware that I could feel much worse than I do now and that feeling better is within my grasp. As it is within everybody’s grasp. Day will follow night, spring will follow winter, good times will supplant the bad. The journey is not quite over for me and possibly never will be. However, the knowledge that my (and your) experience is not unique and is nothing to be ashamed of is monumentally important. Hopefully telling of my own experience may help others realise that they are not alone and that there is always hope. 

Thank you for listening,

Mike